


Paranoia

by oui_oui_mon_ami



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Game Night, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Post-Canon, Rating for Language, i don't know what this is any more, mentions of internalised homophobia, oh well it's not v good read at your own risk, this got very out of hand, this is just pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 16:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11878863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oui_oui_mon_ami/pseuds/oui_oui_mon_ami
Summary: “So, what’s the game tonight?” Elder McKinley asked his fellow elders, who were spread out on the floor of the mission hut’s main room, trying not to overheat and very clearly bored.“I vote Paranoia,” Elder Poptarts said. There were a few pleased nods from the other elders.Elder McKinley stepped in. “Okay, okay. Paranoia it is, I guess. Poptarts, would you like to explain the rules?”Poptarts smiled excitedly. “Okay, we all have to sit in a circle.” The elders (and Nabulungi) eagerly complied. “Right. So the first person to start would whisper a question to the person on their left, and that person has to answer out loud. It has to be a question where the person needs to choose from the people in the room, like ‘who would be most likely to win an Oscar?’, except they can’t choose themselves or the person who asked the question. The question, of course, can be really tame or really, um, inappropriate. Then a coin is flipped and the person who’s chosen as the answer for that question calls heads or tails. If they win, they get to hear the question. If they don’t, no-one will ever know what the question was.”A game of paranoia is played. A little more is revealed than was planned.





	Paranoia

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a real event in which a bunch of my theatre friends and I played Paranoia and one guy's answer began with "I'm not gay, but..." and it just sounds like something Elder McKinley would say tbh
> 
> This was supposed to be a drabble but I kinda got carried away I guess?? Oh well, enjoy :^)

“So, what’s the game tonight?” Elder McKinley asked his fellow elders (and Nabulungi, who had been spending more time in the mission hut since she and Elder Cunningham had started dating), who were spread out on the floor of the mission hut’s main room, trying not to overheat and very clearly bored. Since being excommunicated from the church, the elders had found that they had more free time on their hands – much more than they wanted. So to keep the boys in high spirits, their mission leader had recently introduced ‘Game Nights’ twice a week. So far, the boys had played Scrabble with a surprisingly intact board that Nabulungi had found at the market (winner: Elder McKinley, whose knowledge of complicated words was, for some reason, underestimated by the other elders; loser: Elder Price, who spent the whole game trying to form very inappropriate words.), the Game of Life which Elder Neeley had snuck into his luggage from America (winner: Elder Neeley, who apparently played this game a lot; loser: Elder Price, who spent all his money for a holiday to Orlando.), and a game of Truth or Dare when the elders had managed to get hold of enough alcohol to make them forget about that entire night. Safe to say they were not doing that again.

“I vote Paranoia,” Elder Poptarts said. There were a few pleased nods from the other elders, a couple of groans, and some more confused expressions.

“That sounds like what you’d name a horror film,” Elder Davis said, pulling a face.

Elder Price stood up. “Nah, it’s a good game. Really fun. I second it.”

More calls of approval came from the elders before Elder McKinley stepped in. “Okay, okay. Paranoia it is, I guess. Poptarts, would you like to explain the rules?”

Poptarts smiled excitedly. “Okay, we all have to sit in a circle.” The elders (and Nabulungi) eagerly complied. “Right. So the first person to start would whisper a question to the person on their left, and that person has to answer out loud. It has to be a question where the person needs to choose from the people in the room, like ‘who would be most likely to win an Oscar?’, except they can’t choose themselves or the person who asked the question. The question, of course, can be really tame or really, um, inappropriate. Then a coin is flipped and the person who’s chosen as the answer for that question calls heads or tails. If they win, they get to hear the question. If they don’t, no-one will ever know what the question was.”

“Thanks, Poptarts. Everyone understand?” The others nodded and Elder McKinley continued. “Great! Who wants to start?”

“Uh, may I?” Elder Davis asked. Elder Church groaned loudly next to him.

“Of course,” Elder McKinley agreed.

Elder Davis promptly whispered something into Elder Church’s ear. The latter immediately turned a bright red and buried his head in his hands. “Oh no, I really don’t want to answer that,” he whined.

Elder Davis patted his back. “Tough luck, my friend.”

Elder Church let out one more groan before looking up. “Elder Poptarts.”

Poptarts’ eyes widened in surprise, and from his position next to him Elder McKinley could see a small blush forming across his cheeks. Elder Davis giggled. “Has anyone got a coin? I call heads,” Poptarts said.

Nabulungi produced an old, slightly squished coin and flipped it. She smiled. “I’m afraid it’s tails.”

“Oh, thank Heavenly Father,” Elder Church breathed. “Okay, moving swiftly on, Elder Michaels.”

He whispered in Elder Michaels’ ear, and the elder let out a giggle. “Oh, Elder Price for sure.”

Elder Price leaned back confidently. “Tails, bitches.”

Nabulungi flipped the coin. “It is tails!”

Elder Michaels laughed. “The question was: ‘who out of the elders has broken the most rules since he got here?’”

Elder Price scoffed, mocking offence. “Fuck you, I never break any rules.”

“Language,” Elder McKinley called, raising an eyebrow at a grinning Elder Price. “Elder Michaels, it’s your turn.”

Elder Zelder let out a scandalised gasp as soon as Elder Michaels whispered in his ear. “I can’t answer that! That’s… that’s highly inappropriate!” Elder Michaels simply shrugged. “Um…” Elder Zelder groaned. “Elder Davis, I don’t know.”

Then it was Elder Davis’ turn to blush as Elder Church laughed at his friend’s discomfort. “I don’t know if I want to know what that question was,” Elder Davis said.

“Heads or tails?” Nabulungi asked, flipping the coin.

“Mmm… heads.”

“It’s heads!”

Both Elder Davis and Elder Zelder let out a groan. “You don’t have to tell me, I don’t want to know,” Elder Davis said, wrinkling his nose.

“Good,” Elder Zelder said.

“No, you have to know! The question was ‘who has the smallest dick?’!” Elder Michaels shouted, much to the dismay of the other two elders, who both turned bright red.

“Screw you,” Elder Zelder said, scowling at Elder Michaels before turning to Nabulungi. The young woman smiled as the elder whispered in her ear.

“Elder Cunningham,” she said straight away, grinning at her boyfriend, who blushed. “Heads or tails?” she asked.

“Uhh… heads,” Elder Cunningham said.

Nabalungi flipped the coin. “It’s tails.” She smiled and took his hand when Elder Cunningham whined. “Don’t worry, it was a nice one,” she said. Then she whispered in his ear.

Elder Cunningham frowned for a second. “Kevin!” he exclaimed.

“Me? Again?” Elder Price said. “Tails. Again.”

Nabulungi flipped the coin. “It’s tails! Again! Do you have some sort of magic power over the coin, Elder Price?”

Elder Price laughed, shaking his head. “Just sheer luck. I guess Heavenly Father is finally paying me back for how unlucky I’ve been recently.” He glanced up and noticed the frown on Elder McKinley’s face, and felt a pang of guilt. That was probably not the right thing to say. _Definitely_ not the right thing to say. “Of course, the first thing He did was give me such great friends as you guys,” he added hurriedly before changing the subject. “Okay, so what was the question?”

“It was ‘if you were all stuck in a burning building, who would I save second?’.” Elder Cunningham explained.

“Why second?” Elder Price asked, frowning.

“Because he would save me first, of course!” Nabulungi said, giggling. That made the rest of the group laugh, Elder Price’s earlier slip-up apparently forgotten.

“My turn now!” Elder Cunningham cried, whispering something to Elder Price. Well, not exactly ‘whispering’: it was loud enough for both Nabulungi and Elder Schrader on either side of them to hear and immediately burst into giggles. Elder Price, on the other hand, was not laughing, and his face had turned completely red.

“Um… I’m not gay, but Elder McKinley,” Elder Price said, trying to sound nonchalant even though his heart was beating faster than any amount of coffee could cause. This, however, made the whole group burst out laughing, all except Elder McKinley, who was quickly turning the same shade of red as Elder Price.

Technically, Elder Price wasn’t exactly lying. He wasn’t gay, was he? He’d never had… _thoughts_ about boys before. Then again, he’d never had thoughts about girls before, so he wasn’t exactly sure what counted as a “thought”. Sure, he found Elder McKinley attractive, what with his shiny red hair that had grown out during their time in Uganda and flopped a little over his eyes as it reflected the sunlight and looked soft, it was probably soft, and his freckles that looked like constellations all over his skin, and Elder Price wanted to count them and make a wish on every one, and sure, Elder McKinley was kind, and sweet, and a great District Leader who really cared for the other elders, caring even when Elder Price was being a dick, and apologising for abandoning Elder Price during his first week and promising to make it up to him, and he was a really talented dancer, just watching Elder McKinley tap dancing or pirouetting in that sparkly vest of his made Elder Price imagine things that definitely should not be mentioned –

But that didn’t mean he was gay.

Right?

“Heads or tails?” Nabulungi asked Elder McKinley between fits of giggles.

“Tails,” Elder McKinley replied.

“It’s heads!” Nabulungi said, causing her, Elder Cunningham and Elder Schrader to giggle again. Elder Price looked thoroughly relieved.

“Okay, my turn,” he said, turning to Elder Schrader.

Elder Schrader frowned with a mixture of confusion and disgust as Elder Price whispered in his ear. “Okay, first, ew. Second, uh… Elder Michaels, his legs.”

“Can you have two-part questions in this game?” Elder Michaels asked.

Elder Price shrugged. “If not, consider it another rule I’ve broken,” he said, winking at him. “Heads or tails?”

“Heads.”

“It’s heads,” Nabulungi said.

Elder Schrader nudged Elder Price. “You say it.”

Elder Price laughed. “The question was, ‘You have to cover someone completely in peanut butter and lick it all off. Who would you do it to and where would you start licking?’.”

Elder Michaels made a face. “Ew.”

“Exactly,” Elder Schrader said, looking pointedly at Elder Price. “But I know that you shave your legs, so… that part of it wouldn’t be quite as disgusting.”

Elder Michaels shrugged. “Fair enough.”

Elder Schrader then whispered a question in Elder Neeley’s ear. They both burst out laughing before Elder Neeley said, “Elder McKinley.”

Elder McKinley sighed. “I hope you’re not making fun of me,” he said. “Tails.”

Nabulungi flipped the coin. “It’s heads.” Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley high-fived, grinning.

Elder Neeley whispered to Elder Poptarts, who turned tomato red. “Uh… Elder Church?” he said, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor.

Elder Church’s smile dropped, and his gaze flicked to the flustered Poptarts. “Tails,” he said.

“It’s tails.”

Elder Poptarts turned even redder, and he glanced around the room, avoiding the others’ eyes. “Um… the question was… ‘if all the people in the room proposed to you right now, who would you say yes to?’.”

Elder Church smiled, a blush dusting his cheeks. “Oh, well, thank you, Poptarts. I’m- I’m very flattered.”

Elder Poptarts returned a small, shy smile, his face still red. “Okay, uh, Elder McKinley!” He whispered a question in Elder McKinley’s ear. The District Leader’s eyes widened and he glared at his companion, who raised his eyebrow at him. It appeared to the other elders that the two were having a conversation using only their eyes.

Finally, Elder McKinley gave in. “ _I’m not gay_ , but Elder Price,” he sighed.

Elder Price frowned at his District Leader, who was choosing to look anywhere else in the room but at him. “Tails,” he said, still staring at Elder McKinley.

Nabulungi flipped the coin and gasped in surprise. “It’s tails! How do you do that?”

Elder McKinley groaned and drew his knees up to his chest, hiding his face behind them. Elder Poptarts rolled his eyes, laughing. “The question was ‘who do you have the biggest crush on right now?’. Elder McKinley has been hiding it for ages, still turning it off even when we said we wouldn’t do that anymore,” he poked his companion for emphasis. “So I thought that it’s about time for that little secret to come out,” he said, smiling.

Elder Price’s mind was reeling. He could just about make out a quiet “huh.” Elder McKinley had a crush on him? On Kevin Price, notorious asshat who didn’t deserve anything? Could he really be that lucky?

The game continued, and Elder McKinley emerged from the ball he had shrunk into to whisper into Elder Davis’ ear. Elder Davis grinned. “Elder Cunningham and Sister Hatimbi,” he said.

Elder Cunningham gasped. “Both of us?” he exclaimed.

Nabalungi laughed. “You choose. Heads or tails?” She flipped the coin high in the air to show that she wasn’t cheating.

“Tails.”

Nabulungi sighed. “It’s heads.”

Elder Cunningham shrugged. “Don’t worry, it’s probably something like ‘who’s the cutest couple’ or something.”

Elder McKinley stood up. “Okay, well, it’s past curfew now, so everyone should be going off to bed. Sister Hatimbi, are you okay to walk back or would you like to stay on our couch for tonight?”

Nabulungi smiled. “That’s very kind of you, but I should get back to my father. Goodnight. Thank you for having me.” She kissed Elder Cunningham on the forehead and left.

“You do know that since we’re technically not Latter-Day Saints any more, we don’t have to follow the rules, right?” Elder Price said as the elders left for their rooms.

Elder McKinley sighed. Why did he have to get a crush – and admit it – on the most obnoxious Mormon he had ever met? “But we will still be getting up early, Elder, and helping out in the village, so I advise that you get a good night’s sleep so you don’t have to keep drinking that coffee you’ve hidden at the back of the cupboard.”

Elder Price’s gaze dropped to the floor guiltily. “Right. I was hoping you wouldn’t find out about that.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Elder McKinley said, deciding to put some distance between him and Elder Price by cleaning up the kitchen. To his dismay, however, Elder Price followed him and picked up another dishcloth. “What do you think you’re doing?” Elder McKinley asked.

“Helping,” Elder Price replied, beginning to wipe down the counter.

Elder McKinley raised an eyebrow at him. “I can do this myself. It’s bedtime for you.”

Elder Price scoffed. “Bedtime? I’m not a kid, okay? And if we do this together, it’ll be done quicker and we can both go to bed earlier than if you were to do it by yourself.”

Elder McKinley sighed. He was too tired to argue with Elder Price. “Fine.”

They cleaned in silence for a few moments. Finally, Elder Price spoke up. “So, is it true that you have a crush on me?”

Elder McKinley froze, his face beginning to heat up. “Yes,” he said finally. He mentally congratulated himself on keeping his voice level.

Elder Price was silent for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you wouldn’t feel the same?” Elder McKinley retorted. “Because we were supposed to be focusing on our mission? Because I’m supposed to turn it off?”

Elder Price sighed and put the cloth down. “Okay. Those three excuses are all bullcrap. I’ll tell you why. One: our mission’s pretty much over now. We don’t have to focus on anything except maybe not letting the scorpions into the mission hut. Two: as Poptarts said, I thought we’d agreed not to turn our feelings off any more. And that includes crushes, no matter whether or not they’re gay.” Elder Price pretended not to see how Elder McKinley flinched at the word. “And third: you assumed that I wouldn’t feel the same? Well prepare to be amazed, sucker, because I think I’m gay and I’m pretty sure I like you. A lot.”

Elder McKinley looked up then, his eyes wide with hope. “Really?”

Elder Price didn’t bother to answer verbally, he simply walked over to Elder McKinley and kissed him. The District Leader froze for a second before kissing back, because Elder Price’s lips were so soft and warm and his hands had found their way to his hair and Elder McKinley was pretty sure that his light switch had broken.

Elder Price felt the other pull back with a small whine. “I’m sorry, Elder, I can’t, this is wrong, I can’t-” Elder Price quickly silenced Elder McKinley with another kiss.

“First, my name is Kevin. Since we just made out, I feel like we should be on first-name basis now.”

“O-okay. Kevin. I’m Connor.”

Kevin smiled. _Connor_. The name fit rather well. “Second, Connor, you are perfect. And being gay doesn’t make that any different. Who cares if you like boys and not girls? It doesn’t stop you from being kind and caring and an amazing District Leader.”

Connor let out a syllable of a rueful laugh. “I’m a terrible District Leader. I got us all excommunicated from the Church.”

“That was not your fault.” Kevin sighed. “Connor, I want you to be happy.” His voice cracked and he swallowed. “And repressing your feelings is not making you happy, that’s clear.” A tear ran down Connor’s cheek and Kevin pulled the shorter man into a hug. Connor immediately wrapped his arms around Kevin, quietly sobbing. Kevin ran his hands through Connor’s hair, which, _oh gosh_ , was softer than he could imagine. “Hey,” he cooed. “It’s all going to be okay, right? We all love you, and I’m not going to leave you to feel sad by yourself. Ever. I’m staying right here.”

Connor laughed wetly. “But you’d miss curfew.”

“Technically, I already have. And I barely sleep anyway. That’s why I drink so much coffee.”

Connor laughed again, sounding slightly happier. “To heck with rules, right?”

Kevin kissed his forehead, smiling. “I see I’m already influencing you.” He felt Connor yawn against him. “Well, you should probably get some rest. You think Poptarts can look after you from here?”

Connor shook his head and held onto Kevin tighter. “Stay. Please. I-I don’t think I can… I don’t know… just… stay?”

Kevin nodded. “We can sleep on the couch, if that’s okay with you, District Leader?”

“I… suppose it wouldn’t do much harm to break the rules for one night.”

Kevin led Connor to the sofa and they both lay down next to each other. It was quite small so Kevin had to pull Connor close enough for their noses to touch. He took full advantage of this, kissing Connor’s nose so that he smiled, blushing. “Thank you,” Connor said softly.

“For what?” Kevin asked.

“I… I don’t know. Being there for me, I guess.”

Kevin smiled and kissed Connor’s nose again. “Of course.”

The next morning, Elder Poptarts emerged from his room first after noticing that Elder McKinley hadn’t returned. He smiled as soon as he saw the two elders fast asleep on the sofa, limbs intertwined. It was about time those two sorted each other out. Goodness knows his mission companion needed all the emotional support he could get.

Elder Church entered the main room and took Elder Poptarts’ hand. “I see Elders Price and McKinley have had a good night.”

Elder Poptarts turned to him. “My room’s empty… you want to eat breakfast in there?”

Elder Church smirked. “I mean, I don’t want to disturb the snoozing lovebirds…”

Poptarts grabbed a box of his namesake and they headed back to their bedroom.

That night was the first time in months that Elder McKinley had slept until 11am.

**Author's Note:**

> In case y’all were interested:
> 
> Elder Davis’ question to Elder Church: Who out of the elders would you bang?
> 
> Elder Zelder’s question to Nabulungi: Who has the nicest smile?
> 
> Elder Cunningham’s question to Elder Price: Who out of the elders would you make out with?
> 
> Elder Schrader’s question to Elder Neeley: Who is Elder Price most likely to hook up with?
> 
> Elder McKinley’s question to Elder Davis: Who is most likely to get married first?
> 
> Come and yell at me on tumblr!! My url is sunshine-soprano


End file.
